The Mindset Architect, Forward Coaching Team
She can be harsh. Rude. Mean. Hurtful in the most cruel ways. She is judgmental, demanding, and can expect too much from me. No matter how hard I try, I never meet her standards. She finds my weaknesses, even when I bury them.
My inner critic.
We all have an inner critic—a voice that seems intent on tearing us down. The voice of self doubt. It's often repetitive, irrational, the voice of 'body-perfectionalism' and you're not good at math or tech stuff.
But here's the good news: you don’t have to be a victim. She's there, but doesn't have to dominate the narrative. Over time, I've learned some hacks to deal with this voice, and while they work for me, I encourage you to find what works for you. Everyone’s relationship with their inner critic is different, and so are the strategies to manage it.
Tara Mohr, author of Playing Big, says, "The Inner Critic is what MOST holds women back from Playing Bigger". "Playing Bigger is: To find more joy, fulfillment and impact, To step into the work we long to do, To make a career shift into more fulfilling work, To honestly share our story in the world, To start or grow a business."
Hack #1: Create a Challenger
To quiet the inner critic, start by recognizing that this voice isn’t genuinely yours. It’s merely a harsh perspective, not an absolute truth. Once you acknowledge the critic for what it is, cultivate a challenger. This opposing voice can take whatever form resonates with you—a cheerleader, an optimist, or a rational contradictor. When the critic presents something as fact, counter it and question its validity. Be curious about what part about this challenge might be possible? While you don’t need to engage in a full debate every time, it’s essential to stand up for yourself and remember that her words are not universal truths.
Hack #2: Call Out the Bully
I often visualize someone repeating my harsh thoughts but directed at another person. For example, I picture a friend confiding in me about being insulted for her appearance or feeling blamed for something beyond her control. Typically, I would identify that behavior bullying.
This led me to realize that I might be bullying myself, undermining my self-worth with that same critical voice. When I look in the mirror and see pimple blemishes, my initial thoughts are often anger or disgust, focusing on what I could have done differently. Instead, I’ve learned to respond with kindness. I remind myself that my skin is influenced by many factors—stress, diet, hormones—not because I did something "wrong." I extend the same grace to myself that I would offer a friend or sister. Why should I be any less compassionate toward myself?
Hack #3: Picture Your Inner Child
A powerful strategy is to envision myself as a child. When the inner critic becomes loud and hurtful, I imagine saying those same things to a younger version of myself—a little girl. Would I ever utter such unkind words to her? Absolutely not.
This perspective shift highlights how unreasonable and harmful the inner critic can be. We often speak to ourselves in ways we wouldn’t dream of talking to a friend, family member, or even a stranger. By picturing those insults directed at a child, I realize just how unfair and damaging my inner critic truly is.
The inner critic will always be there in some form, but you don’t have to give her the power to control your thoughts or diminish your self-worth. By recognizing her voice, treating yourself with kindness, and creating a challenger, you can start to quiet that
judgmental voice.
Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self Compassion, says, "The very fact that we are conscious human beings experiencing life on this planet means that we are intrinsically valuable and deserving of care. Compassion is our birthright."
“Human beings by nature want happiness and to avoid suffering”. Dali Lama
Remember, progress doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from small steps of self-awareness and self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself, and know that every time you stand up to your inner critic, you’re moving in the right direction.
The Mindset Architect, Forward Coaching Team